AMID SECRETS - CHAPTER 44
*Nwanyieze’s POV*
“What happened? Are you okay?”
He stands at the door, looking at me in a way that makes me uncomfortable. Dressed in grey sweatpants and a black cotton T-shirt, Maduka towers over me and this time, I feel slightly intimidated.
Something is wrong.
He didn’t show up at my place, and his line has been switched off, even till now. Night has fallen, and we had spoken over three hours ago. I had hopped into a taxi and hurried here when it became clear that our date was cancelled without warning.
“Are you okay?” I repeat, stepping forward to touch his brow. He stands like a boulder, not moving, not even smiling. His temperature is normal, but I can sense the coldness emanating from him. “Is something wrong?”
“Please, do come in,” he finally says.
Already, I am in my flight mode, internally shaking at the possibilities. But I follow him inside, where he politely offers me a seat. There, he hands me a brown envelope and sits on the chair across from me, watching. The setting reminds me of an interrogation.
Before I open the envelope, I look at him for a few moments, taking in his features. A shadow has come back to sit over his jaw, a bit longer this time than before. His hair is rough, not properly combed. His eyes, despite the silent anger in them, are tired.
“Saheed sent you this, didn’t he?” I ask in a small voice.
“I don’t know who sent them, but I’m sure they aren’t photoshopped.”
They’re photos, then, I confirm. The one from his phone? The one Temi sent him in preparation for his pool party? But he said ‘they’, meaning it’s more than one.
His name is boldly printed on the envelope in block letters. Raising the flap, I put a hand into it and pull out the photos carefully.
Saheed has outdone himself, I think with a gasp.
“You even reacted better than I did,” Maduka says with a mirthless laugh.
“I can explain this,” I say, struggling to be calm. Hysteria won’t fix this, especially when he is being this calm himself.
“You can explain why you went out on a dinner date with Saheed. Without telling me. You can explain why, of all things, he is kissing you in those photos. And you can also explain, Nwanyieze, why you both look like you’re on the set of some Fifty Shades movie.”
“It was my intention to tell him in person that- that I wasn’t leaving you-”
Another small laugh. “Well, that was very effective, wasn’t it? And by the way, did you enjoy the fish and chips at Sailors Lounge?”
“Things got out of hand, he tore my transportation money, and I lost it. I lashed out and that was when he kissed me!”
I can’t say it now. I can’t say that I went because Saheed has a certain power over me, a certain power I know I can break free from if I come clean. But I don’t want to break free, because it means I will lose him. On the other hand, I also know I can’t keep doing this.
Maduka sighs. “We both know, that Saheed wants you. What I don’t understand, is how you, with that knowledge, will allow yourself to get into such a thing with him. Are you that näive, Nwanyieze?” His eyes remain fixed on mine. It’s like he’s trying to look into my soul and see answers for himself.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. I lower my head to hide the tears forming in my eyes. I don’t want this to sound like a sob story, I don’t want to look weak.
“Do you have a thing for Saheed?”
“I don’t.”
“Here’s what: how about I give you a month to decide?”
I rise from my seat like a pin has pricked my buttock. “Maduka, I don’t-”
“Stop.” He raises a hand.
I freeze on my feet, eyes wide. My tears have spilled and I think of how possible it is for his coldness to freeze them on my cheeks, too. “I don’t want a break,” I whisper hoarsely.
“I’m using this break to decide if I’m a fool or not.”
I have never seen him like this before, and I vaguely wonder how many degrees lower he will go if he ever finds out the truth. It is like he has closed himself off; the warm and tender Maduka I used to know isn’t the one sitting before me.
“You’re- you’re deliberately hurting me, and you know it.”
Maduka tilts his head and smiles. “And it looks like I’m finding pleasure from it, doesn’t it?”
“But I told you! I told you I never planned for it, it wasn’t my intention, I wanted to talk things through with him-” I start to yell. Can’t he see? Can’t he understand?
“And you accorded him so much importance that you even went to tell him in person, during a dinner date, at a fancy restaurant, that you were in a relationship with someone else!”
Dazed at his retort, I take a step backwards and sit back on the couch.
“Did you even think of telling me? Didn’t you promise to tell me if he ever made you uncomfortable?”
The photos rest beside me, and the one on top shows me, hitting him with my fists. I wish I had inflicted some serious pain on him that night, maybe given him a black eye. Although I have gone through them, I shift it aside and the next one shows me, helplessly held with my wrists behind me. On to the next one, where Saheed had forced a kiss upon me.
“You both looked good, by the way. Good lighting, good choice of venue.”
“Maduka, don’t say that!”
Maduka laughs again, this time with a hint of wickedness. “Forgive me if I sound so blunt. I am angry- no- furious, I feel stupid, but above all, I am hurt.” He places a hand over his heart, and for a moment, his face softens.
Just ki|| me now.
“Maduka, I’m sorry. I really am. I had no idea things would escalate.”
“I believed you when you said nothing was going on between you two.”
“Nothing is going on!”
“Tell me, does he have some sort of power over you? Is he blackmailing you?”
My heart thr_@tens to burst from exertion.
Maduka waits for a few seconds and when he gets no answer from me, he shrugs and stands up. “One month, let me know your decision. And wh@??ver it is that you’re hiding.”
“Don’t do this!”
“I’ll be in my room. I will get you an Uber in five minutes. Please shut the door when you’re leaving.”
I hold onto his arm as he walks past me. He doesn’t resist, he just stands there, looking down at me with no expression. He doesn’t resist it when I embrace him either, wrapping my arms around his torso. Instead, he sighs.
“No.” If this hurts, what about when I’m finally exposed? Will my tears flow like a river, or will I freeze and go numb?
“Do you remember, the day I said you haven’t completely…completely come clean with me?”
“Yes.”
“You’re making a fool of me. I’ve been too patient. What are you hiding from me?”
I used to be a prostitute. I slept with men for money. Saheed knows. You don’t.
He separates my arms, frees himself, and walks past me. He stops at the entrance to his room and tells me, “I have handled this in the most civil manner I can think of. No wrong accusations, no fabrications. As much as I love you, Nwanyieze, I don’t want to be kept in the dark and I don’t want to be with you when you entertain advances from other men. So you have one month to figure out if I’m worth it. Because I already know you’re worth it all.”
_____
*Maduka’s POV*
It is a relief to be back at work.
I embrace it with such ferocity that in a week, I have caught up with what I have missed over the two weeks of my absence. My life goes back to its normal routine: work, home, and work over and over.
It is a struggle to stay from calling Nwanyieze. It is a bigger struggle to avoid getting into my car and driving to Shipeolu Street to see her. Sometimes I catch myself staring at my phone, or jumping whenever it rings. I know that I shouldn’t make her feel pressured by calling or seeing her for now. I have been clear with my feelings, and so it’s up to her to be clear with hers.
What is she doing now? I find myself wondering. How has the past week been for her?
I haven’t heard from her since that day at my house, after the pictures had been delivered. Her face, there had been so much pain there. But I had to be firm. I had to let her know that with me, it was all or nothing.
But just how would she end up in Saheed’s arms? I feel betrayed, deceived, used. And she had promised that nothing was going on between the both of them, she had said that he was after her.
But didn’t she go there herself? Isn’t that a sign of interest?
Saheed’s voice is in my head again. ‘Don’t tell her I told you, but she plans to leave you when you return to Lagos.’
What a shameless bastard, comfortable with luring another man’s woman away. I hear a snapping sound and look down at my hand. My ballpoint pen lies on my now open palm, the plastic casing snapped in two.
This is the third pen you’re snapping today, I tell myself. Getting up from my dining table, I abandon my laptop and walk into my room. It feels so desolate. She isn’t here to make me laugh or sprawled on my bed in my shirt, beckoning me to come closer for a kiss. Today I have decided to work from home, to enjoy one of the perks of being my own boss.
I have just broken my fast with akara and pap, which somehow reminded me of that morning with Nwanyieze, when she came over with egusi soup and akara, when I had prepared the pap and we had sat on the floor of my sitting room and eaten our meal. When I had forced her to tell me, with her own mouth, that she had never met her biological parents and didn’t know where she came from.
As much as I want to, I have decided that I will not go and confront Saheed. As much as I want to punch the bastard, something tells me that there is something I don’t know, a backstory that I don’t understand. After all, didn’t they meet at his party before I jumped into the pool to save Nwanyieze? Didn’t they go to Quilox together? And I had come into the picture, unaware.
And still unaware.
These days, I find myself laughing without humour.
Maybe she’s decided? I mean, isn’t her silence so far a decision on it’s own?
If Saheed is right, then why didn’t she tell me about it that day? Why did she keep protesting? Or, was she waiting for me to do it? To break up with her then and there so she wouldn’t bear the guilt?
Too many questions.
I scratch my jaw. The stubble has turned to a beard, growing thicker and attracting unwanted stares from women especially. I managed to give myself a hair cut, but so far I’ve seen no need to trim my beard yet.