AMID SECRETS - CHAPTER 33

*Maduka’s POV*

With Nwanyieze, I’m being as slow as I can. Now I know about her past experiences, I will not make any major move unless she’s comfortable with it. There are times I wake up with a boner so hard from dreams of her, there are times when my body needs her so badly I ache. And I’m sure she’s aware, I’m sure she feels the same way. While I have plans of having her around in my future, when it comes to the subject of segzual relations, it’s best to say I’m taking everyday as it comes.

Although I might never fully understand her, I trust that she’ll do what she wants when she’s ready, and I’ll go along with it.

“Touch me, Maduka.”

I blink in the darkness, leaving my previous thoughts behind and wondering if I had misheard her.

“You heard me right.”

“I’m not quite sure I did.” But my hand is eagerly lifting the hem of her singlet, fingers trailing on the skin of her belly. I stop at her navel and lazily draw circles around it.

“You’re such a gentleman,” she giggles. “I like it.”

“Now you’re being sappy.”

She sits up, and I hear the fabric of her singlet rustle. Taking one of my hands, she places it on her chest. She has pulled off her singlet.

I gulp. How can I feel lightheaded like a nervous teenager? She is everything I had imagined and more, warm and soft and smooth.

No more words. It is just the rustle of the sheets as I pull her onto myself, her chest flattened against mine, lips moving against each other, hands exploring in the darkness.

Hours later, when she is asleep with her back against me, I still lie awake, deep in thoughts. When she whimpers in her sleep, my arms tighten protectively around her.

I believe things happen for a reason. As messed up as it sounds, I had to lose something special to find another. I had saved a life, found treasure, lost it for a while, and found it again. And I’m back to where it all started. The loss of my family has happened, and I know that regret will do me no good, that I have a chance to start all over again.

Isn’t life funny? Isn’t this circle strange, but so normal in its completeness? And now I have to set things right, so I can tell Nwanyieze the story of how it all started; how we started.

Pray nothing stands in my way.
______

*Nwanyieze’s POV*

I wake up alone in the room. Alarm and disorientation set in at the sight of the baby blue walls, but it is Maduka’s absence that makes me sit up and slide my feet into the bathroom slippers I had placed at my side of the bed.

I find him standing on the veranda of the bungalow, dressed only in a pair of the khaki shorts I have concluded is one of his favourite pieces of clothing. He stares out across the vast compound before him, hands in his pockets.

It is a bit cold this morning, with daylight just breaking and gradually dissipating the soft mist that clings to the trees. Birds call out to each other, singing melodies that only they can understand. I pause at the front door and watch Maduka.

I’m proud of him, proud that he has found his home and his people, and they have embraced him.

At least, that’s one good thing you’ve done for him. When all this turns sour, he’ll still have this to be thankful for, won’t he? Won’t he?

I push the thought from my mind and lean against the door post, watching Maduka as he watches the sunrise. The combination is soothing: the tranquilty, the clean air, the greenery, and the man. I can almost imagine him as a pre-colonial hunter, dressed in only a lion skin, adorned with cowries, traditional beads and palm fronds, holding a tall spear. Women would have sung his praises, men would have envied him-

“Do you like what you see?”

“What?”

But I had been silent, taking off my slippers in the living room and padding softly with my bare feet. He couldn’t have heard me.

He gives a small laugh, and without turning, stretches a hand backwards. I cover the distance and take it, letting him gently pull me to his side. Once again, the contact with his bare skin makes me tingle.

“Good morning,” I tell him.

“Good morning, baby girl.”

“Are you okay?” I look up at his face intently. Stubble adorns his jaw, and I’m startled to see that his eyes are red, almost like he had been crying.

“Of course I am. I’m just admiring the scenery.”

The answer doesn’t sit well with me. “Why don’t you go back to bed, Maduka?”

“I couldn’t sleep. I recited poems, I counted sheep, I listened to your breathing, I watched the stars. None worked– except your breathing calmed me a whole lot.” He smiles.

Something tells me that he needs this time alone even if he doesn’t show me. I kiss his cheek and say, “I’m going to brush my teeth and take a bath. We should have breakfast soon. Daa Ndidi might also visit.”

He nods silently, but squeezes my hand gently. Leaving him, I make my way back to our room and in a few minutes, select my clothes for the day. I had already unpacked our toiletries the previous night. After rearranging my bag, I turn to the doorway and see Maduka standing there, watching me so aptly that the intensity of his gaze startles me.

“What happened?” I query, suddenly bothered. He steps closer, I stand still, searching his face. His bloodshot eyes, they never leave mine. His jaw muscles work, his breathing isn’t regular. He opens his mouth to say something, but it seems like his voice is gone. I see the glisten of tears in his eyes; the sight is heart breaking. He reaches out, pulls me to himself, and hugs me fiercely.

And right there, in my arms, Maduka cries and I get the first glimpse of the lost boy.
_______

*Maduka’s POV*

The sound of someone knocking on the front door wakes us up. I disentangle my limbs from Nwanyieze’s, slowly get up, and walk to the front door. Daa Ndidi greets me good afternoon cheerfully, and tells me that this is the third time today that she has come to knock on the door.

Nwanyieze and I had apparently taken a long nap.

“Aren’t you hungry? It’s 2 o’clock and I have ofe Owerre.”

I thank her, and tell her that we will join her at her place for lunch shortly. Locking the door after she has left, I tiptoe back to the room, where Nwanyieze is still fast asleep. She isn’t such a light sleeper, after all. I settle on the only chair in the room and begin replying messages: emails from my employees and business partners, whatsapp messages from Somto asking where I’ve been and why they haven’t heard from me for some days, even a text message from Tasha. I promise Somto that I’ll explain when I come to visit next week, but I know she will call back as soon as she sees my message. I leave the last one pending; I do not want any distractions from Tasha.

While I had cried my eyes out, Nwanyieze had said nothing. She’d just held me in silence. The breakdown was something I had been trying to avoid totally, thinking it would pass… But I was overwhelmed. Coming home, staying in the house my family had died in… And I had begun to dwell on what would have been. What if they hadn’t died, and my sibling had been born? This visit would have been a regular, happy reunion. My father would have seen me, and smiled with pride. My mother would have-

“Maduka?”

She opens her eyes and squints at me, blinking the sleep out. I love her sleepy voice. It makes me want to lie back beside her and hear her talk right in my ear.

“Yes, baby girl?”

“Come back here.”

She runs a hand over the sheet where I had been lying.

“Only for a minute, because I can’t resist you and we have to shower and eat something.”

Nwanyieze smiles. “You have 58 seconds now.”

I chuckle and join her in bed, where she instantly wraps herself around me and sighs. “You feel so good.”

“It only gets better.”

“You and your pick up lines,” she scoffs. But I can hear the smile in her voice.

“Why would I need pick up lines when you’re right here already? I use lay back lines now.”

“Jeez, you’re so cheesy,” we both say at the same time before bursting into a fit of laughter.

It is half an hour before I finally get out of bed to take a bath. The day is hot now, all traces of the cold morning are gone. Nwanyieze urges me to use the bathroom first, because she wants more time on the bed. I suppose she just wants to lie there and look at the clear blue sky through the window, as she usually did in my room back in Lagos. It is one of her habits, staring up at the sky and thinking thoughts that she claims are “nothing” whenever I ask her.

My stomach begins to growl while I brush my teeth, and the thought of Daa Ndidi’s ofe Owerre makes me grin. I hurry into the shower, letting the cold water run down from my head to feet. It feels refreshing in this heat. Thankfully, Nwanyieze has placed all I need in convenient places. I chuckle at the memory of the amazement I had felt as a little boy whenever my mother allowed me to use the shower instead of a bucket and a bowl. I would stand under the cold water for a long time, laughing, until she would yell my name from the kitchen or come in and turn off the water by herself.

Mama, I still love cold showers, I think sadly.

Two arms sneak around my torso and wrap themselves around my rib cage. I feel bare skin on mine, soft and warm.

“What-?”

“Shower’s big enough for two, and this will save time.”

To say that I’m surprised is an understatement.

Nwanyieze stands before me, wearing only a light blue plastic shower cap, droplets of water, and a soft smile on her face.

“Don’t just stand there,” she chides. “Won’t you lather me?”

I sputter, reflexively suck in a huge breath, and choke on water instead. She laughs and shakes her head. “Maybe I’m spoiling you.”

“I’m the one who’s probably spoiling you,” I reply, covering the little distance between us. It feels so delicious, being in this little space with her.

We spend almost half an hour right there, content to lather each other’s bodies while laughing about Instagram Odunlade Adekola memes.

“Water tastes better on your skin,” I tell her before sucking a few droplets off her shoulder. The idea of shower segz goes through my mind, and I feel myself harden. I curse myself for making such a move… I didn’t want to think of anything segzual but first of all, there is a naked girl in the shower with me, a girl I need so badly in every way possible- physically, mentally, emotionally.

“I know, right? It tastes like champagne when it’s on yours,” Nwanyieze replies before retaliating, using the tip of her tongue to collect a few droplets from my chest, her eyes holding mine.

I find myself choking on water for the second time. Surely, she must know what she does to me. Backing her up against the wall, bodies pressing against each other, she lets me kiss her slowly, my hands kneading her skin. When my tongue enters her mouth, I feel her shiver and hear her Mõ@?. Finger nails dig into my back, and somehow, the slight pain brings its own sort of pleasure.

Don’t lose it. Keep calm.

But it is difficult. I can’t do anything unless she wants to; I’m walking on thin ice here. I don’t want to coax her into my bed. I want Nwanyieze to come willingly, I want her to need me as much as I need her. I’m aware of how her body reacts to mine, but isn’t it complicated, that somehow, it feels like her mind isn’t fully connected to mine? This is something entirely new to her, as she had told me earlier. And with what happened to her years ago…

We stare at each other after the kiss. The little depressions her nails had left on my back sting under the stream of water. Her lips are pinker, a bit swollen and still enticing. Her shower cap has slid off, lying close to the drain and leaving her hair wet. My erection stands right there between us, stubbornly pointing towards her.

“Lunch,” is all I say before stepping out from the shower and leaving the bathroom, my thoughts scattered.

She comes into the room after I’m fully dressed, clutching her big blue towel to herself. One look at her eyes and I know that something is not alright with her. I see fear and guilt.

“Maduka, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” I drop my paperback, Chimamanda Adichie’s Americanah. My brain is now working normally, all my body parts are behaving properly.

“I…I let you- I mean, I got you all excited and I couldn’t do anything. It was like- it was like-”

She looks so utterly confused, refusing to meet my eyes and stumbling over her words.

“I am not entitled to having segz with you.”

She blinks at me now, still confused. I get up from the bed, walk up to her, and take her hand. Brows drawn together, Nwayieze tries her best to look at my face. There are tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. I can tell that the experience in the bathroom must have been much for her.

“I told you, we could go at wh@??ver pace you want. As much as I’d love to make love to you, I won’t ever do anything without your permission.”

“How…how can you be this way?”

I laugh. “I’m trying to be an understanding man. You do things to my body and my mind, sometimes all I can think of is undressing you- different speeds, of course, depending on the mood- and making love to you. I want it so badly, but first of all, I need you. And I mean all of you.”

“But you have all of me already.”

“Not quite,” I reply.

“What do you mean, not quite?”

“You should be asking yourself that.”

I kiss her lips lightly, tell her to get dressed, and leave the house.
_____

*Nwanyieze’s POV*

He knows I’m keeping something from him.

I’m trying so hard to stop the thoughts of being in the shower with him. Jolts of excitement still go through me, the memory of his tongue in my mouth makes my legs turn to jelly and I sit on the bed, still wrapped in my towel.

segz, something I had been introduced to as a teenager and collected money for, something that I’m quite good at with men, had almost occurred between me and Maduka. You’d think I’d have known what to do in the bathroom.

But I had withdrawn, and he had sensed it.

How? How can he notice the slightest change, something invisible?

His words ring in my ears.I am not entitled to having segz with you… I want it so badly, but first of all, Ineed you. And I meanall of you.

I know what he means. Even without knowing what it is, Maduka is asking for my secrets, the knowledge of my deepest, darkest fears. He wants to know what it is that I’m hiding, guarding.

And Saheed knows.

Saheed Bello crosses my mind and I wonder if he has finally forgotten me. Somehow, I sense that he is still there in the darkness, waiting for the right time.

The right time for what, really? Abducting me? Blackmailing me?

Saheed has shown me that rejection isn’t something he accepts so easily. His absence makes me feel uncomfortable, because he had said that I would come crawling to him.

I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Here I am, a prostitute, falling deeper in love with a man that I’m scared to love because I know that the powers that be will work against our happiness- my happiness.

And I can’t leave, not only because this man won’t easily give up on me, but because it feels so good to be love him and be loved, and I don’t want to think of what will happen if he ever finds out the truth about me.

The bed vibrates, jarring me out of my thoughts. Looking under one of the pillows, I locate Maduka’s cell phone. It’s Tasha, calling him. I can’t answer it, but I’m unable to ignore the slight annoyance that Tasha, this girl I’ve never met, is still contacting Maduka.

I’ll dress up quickly and find him.

The call ends, and while I’m putting on my long, floral dress, the phone vibrates again. Thinking it is another call, I pick it up and nearly drop it.

It’s a message from Tasha: ‘Mads, I’m pregnant