“It’s Temi. Queen’s friend.”

“What a surprise.” I sit up on the couch in my sitting room, phone plastered to my ear, my work forgotten.

I had met her only once, and that had been at Tasha’s party over a year ago. I don’t remember what she had been wearing and I don’t think I’d recognise her if we ever met again. But I believe it’s her, because she’d called her Queen, just like Saheed. Queen must have been Nwanyieze’s ‘other’ name, to protect her identity and make her name easier to pronounce in Yoruba land.

However, for certainty, I ask, “Where have we met, and what happened when we met?”

“We met at Tasha’s party, and that was the last time you ever saw Queen. She screamed at you.”

The memory of that scream is burned into my mind like a brand. It still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth till date.

“Don’t ask how I got your number, please,” she begs.

“Okay, I won’t. How are you, Temi? Like how are you for real?” If I remember correctly, Nwanyieze had mentioned that she had worked with Temi…

She gives a small laugh. “I’m very fine. I now attend university. I’m no longer…you know.”

“Oh,” I say, pleasantly surprised. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”

“Thank you. Queen helped me pull through. I owe her.”

My heart jumps to my mouth. “You…you still keep in touch with her?”

“Yes. She’s doing well, too. She finished her Youth Service a while ago.”

It feels like my mouth contains a huge ball of cotton. “That…That is good to know.”

Temi pauses. “She told me she loved you.”

I hold my breath. Temi falters, obviously rethinking about her actions. But she decides to go on, because she adds, “I mean, I’m not- I’m not supposed to have this conversation with you, but I know Queen personally and she warned me to never mention you…”

“Go on, Temi.”

“I wondered why she never showed up on the streets after Saheed’s pool party. Now I know it was because of you. And what she told me that night after Tasha’s party… I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

I have come to terms with the fact that Nwanyieze did love me; if she could sacrifice her time and stick with me after the poison scare at my village, then it was real. With her, all my problems just seemed to melt away. Everything that had happened between us…the way she always seemed to know what to do to make me feel better…

Temi can lead me to her. She knows where Nwanyieze is. But why is she reaching out after so long?

My need to see Nwanyieze intensifies, manifesting physically as an increase in my heartbeat and a shuffling of my feet. They begin to carry me around my sitting room.

“I’m risking my friendship with her,” Temi tells me slowly. “She told me she doesn’t think you’ll ever want to see her again, because of all that has happened. Just tell me, confirm it, so we can forget about this phone call and move on.”

By ‘all’ I know she also means Saheed and the short-lived relationship he had with Nwanyieze. It had hurt, but I haven’t exactly been a loner, either.

“Temi, I’ve been searching the whole time,” I confess.

She doesn’t speak for a few moments, and this makes me say, “Hello?” just to be sure she is still on the line.

“I’m still here.”

“I know a part of you is regretting this. But you got my number, anyways, and called me.”

“I just want you to know…that she was never playing you. Being a former prostitute, I understand how society views people like us. Many of us are not strong and patient enough to work like the rest of you to survive… So our feelings don’t matter because we are just vessels for satisfaction… She thought you would treat her the same way if you ever found out about her past.”

“I understand, Temi. It hasn’t been easy, coming to terms with that. But you see, I knew Nwanyieze–Queen– from way back, even before the pool party.”

A small pause, and then: “Oh. Sorry, my airtime is almost finished.”

“I’ll call you back right now,” I almost exclaim hurriedly. Clicking off immediately, I try to dial her line and almost throw my phone against the wall in a fit of anger, allowing a string of swear words to escape from my lips.

She called with a private number. I didn’t even remember.

Over the next few days, I wait anxiously for Temi’s phone call. Each time my cell phone rings, I grab it, hoping it is Temi calling.

“Temi!” I had said one time, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Onye bu kwa Temi?” Somto had asked from the other end of the line, laughing.

My hopes are always dashed.
Temi’s words keep playing in my head:

I wondered why she never showed up on the streets after Saheed’s pool party… Now I know it was because of you. I just want you to know…that she was never playing you.

I had been furious that night among other things… But I had never wanted her gone. If I had known that she would disappear so suddenly, I would have followed her immediately. I wouldn’t have let her scream stop me. I can’t imagine how ashamed she had been, how it must have affected her so badly that she just vanished for my sake.

She creeps back into my dreams with a vengance, wearing her yellow sundress and puffy afro, beckoning to me with a smile on her face. Sometimes, she wears that old shirt of mine and my socks and lies in my arms, giggling. And I wake up disappointed.

Of course, I know things will never be the same if we ever meet again. A lot can happen in a year. There are endless possibilities about an individual’s state of mind after a year of experiences. I know I have changed, even if I can’t pinpoint these exact changes.

You must be even more beautiful now, Nwanyieze. Stronger, I’m sure. Driven. What have you been up to? Do you have a job now, or are you into writing? Remember your plans for the future, about your dream to publish a magazine and tell your story along with the stories of thousands of other women?

Temi’s call had been an indicator that Nwanyieze is not…currently in a relationship. I mean, she wouldn’t think of calling me if she had no expectation of the both of us ever–

It scares me to even hope further. A sudden wave of doubt almost cripples me, makes me lose appetite, makes me lose concentration.

What if she has moved on without you?

“Nwanyieze, no matter the circumstances… I need closure. I want you to know that I bear no grudge against you. I was hurt, I was really angry, I felt stupid, I was unsure if your feelings for me were genuine, ” I rehearse in front of my bathroom mirror, tooth brush in hand during one of those agonizing few days of waiting for Temi to change her mind. “I miss you. I still love you.”

But what if she has a lover that Temi doesn’t know about? What would you say then?

Jealousy isn’t something I’ve felt in ages. The feeling creeps up, foreign to me after more than a year.

“I’m happy that you’ve moved on… I wish things had been different… d@mn. You’re lying, Maduka.”

What if she backs away again? Doesn’t want to see or hear from you?

“I understand your choice. So long as you believe I never thought anything bad of you… But I still love you. Please let’s do this again.”

And if she still says no?

“I wish you all the best, Nwanyieze.” I shake my head vigorously. “No, she can’t say no.”

Temi said she loved me. What if she still does? How will I know if I don’t try to find out? And how will we…forge forward, readjust to each other and the changes in our lives?

I know her eyes will never be the same again, no more an open window to her soul like back then. I find it amazing that she still had that innocence about her when we were together. A line from Lost Treasure’s piece comes to my mind:

‘Would you believe, that I was innocent after my first lover, the one who broke me so many times, that no glue could ever fix me? Not pure, but innocent?’

I hear my phone ring, a loud pop song that I have chosen so I can hear it wherever I am in the house. I had made the decision after Temi’s phone call; I didn’t want to miss any opportunity even if it was in the dead of the night and I was asleep. Dashing out of the bathroom, I rush and grab the device from my reading table. It is a private number.

“Temi!” I exclaim, hoping against hope that I’m right.

“Maduka. Listen carefully.”