TOTO PASS TOTO (18+) – Episode 26

TOTO PASS TOTO 21+
Subtitle: f_ck Mark Z.
-Episode 26
He started speaking gibberish then headed to the opposite direction, his accent was that of a broke @zz British n*gga. I decided to walk towards my destination, the other one stationed on the road walked to me.
Man2: you know that man? *the other one I was with earlier walk pass us*
Me: ….. *I shake my head*
Man2: em good make them rob am?
Me: …. *I shake my head*
Man2: waka fast fast make we go meet am o, before bad boys go come rob am. That man fit be our destiny helper.
We hurried to the other man earlier, they were not aware that they are just keeping me company.
Man2: oga, I don talk to am. We go help you sell your goods *three of us walking to my destination*
Man1: if you both cheat on me in your country, I will die. Are you both a christian? *with cheap gin German accent*
Man2: oga, you from where?
Man1: am from Germany, I just came to Nigeria to sell cars, laptops and phones. You both will help me, I will give both of you Iphone X mas *you get Iphone na our two dey waka for this kind hot sun*
Man2: am a christian, you don hear am… We go fit sell the laptops make big money, then twuama.
Me: …. *I nod*
Man1: am not a christian but I believe in Jesus, I know Steve Bruce and Holt Mesult, they are my friends. I am a member of marine occult.
Man2: no fear oh, the man wan help us.
Me: …. *I nod*
Man1: I will make both of you rich, I will give both of you laptops and accessories to market for me. You will both be my suppliers, what kind of phone are you using? *close to the major tarred road*
Conductor: Choba Choba! One chance, no time!!
Me: ona papa na em be the name of the phone I dey use.
Both of them were shocked, all along they thought I was under their spell. I joined the bus and left them there standing dejectedly.
Conductor: be serious, madam adjust.
Madam: where you want my adjust go? No space.
I sat beside two fat women who occupied back seat and I regretted my decision, one of them was snoring away as they joined hand to compress me to the bus wall.
Me: madam, adjust small.. i dey die here.
Madam: oga, I nofit adjust o, I pay for two seats.
Me: two seats and human being life which one pass? *people start laughing in the bus*
Madam: go thief five naira if them no go burn you, oga if you wan die, die oh!. I nodey hold you.
Girl: conductor dropping *tapping the bus wall*
Conductor: be serious, you hold fifty naira, my balance you 1h?
Girl: I no get, abeg give my change.
Conductor: na you come dey shout for me? Warn yourself oh.
Girl: your mouth dey smell abeg, give me my change.
Driver: hey you girl, come down no ’cause trouble for that place oh.
Conductor: ashawo… I better pass all your family people *he throw the fifty naira towards her*
Girl: as you dey happily suffering, na your mama and sisters be ashawo.
Conductor: *wuhoowuhoooo!* ashawo!!
The driver moved the bus and we continued the journey, I deserted my seat for the two fat women.
Woman: for her own money too, conductor.
Conductor: madam, hold yourself oh. Nobody invite you oh.
Woman: sorry, sir!
I wiped the beads of sweats that formed on my body as the journey continued, immediately I came down from the bus. I met Musa and one secondary school girl at the gate.
Musa: wekome, oga Viktor.
Me: Musa, no shift her leg oh *she start blushing*
Girl: good afternoon.
Me: afternoon.
I went inside the yard and saw Ada drying clothes on the rope, immediately she saw me. She beamed like someone they lit fire on her face.
Ada: Vic! Vic!! How far na? *who be this one?*
Me: I still dey the bathroom you lock me oh.
I unlocked my protector and went inside my house, I took a quick shower and devoured a plate of spaghetti. And off I was to land of dream.
The ringing tone of my phone woke me up.
Me: hello, who be this?
Abigail: so, you did not save my contact? *with angelic voice*
Me: I dey mad, except I lost all my memories. Not to save the love my life contact *she start laughing*
Abigail: so, why have you not call? *I ransack my head for lies*
Me: I thought you do not want a boyfriend in your life, since you are dating over ten celebrities, Wizkid, Davido… *she start laughing*
Abigail: you are not serious, well.. I will be travelling by Tuesday. Can we meet tomorrow.
Me: who am I to say no? Take me to the slaughter
Abigail: you are just too funny, bye joor.. Before you make me break my ribs, and make sure you come online oh.
Me: alright, I love you, won’t I get I love you from you?
Abigail: no, bye joor *laughing*
The call ended, her voice was so sweet. But the fear of director is the beginning of wisdom, I decided to waste some time on social media before I call Biggy to check up on him.
Immediately, I switched on my data a notification pop-up from Beauty.
Beauty: hey boo, my p@zzy missed you *a pic of her on a segzy gown*
Me: my Ďïčk missed it more, I cannot get enough of you. *typed and sent*
Beauty: am coming on Friday, and my p@zzy is all yours till Sunday *chisos! No, don’t come oh!*
A knock landed on my door, I switched off my data and went to check on who is at the door.
Me: na who be that?
Voice: is me *with girlish voice*
Me: is me no get name?
I opened the door and regretted why.
TBC